Re-Creating a life worth living

At some point we give up on creating a life for ourselves and just mindlessly start plugging away at the life that gets laid out before us. A life that is defined by family, work, church, political affiliations, etc. We give away this control of our lives willingly until one day we wake up and we realize we are not really living OUR life but someone else’s. I’m not sure how that happens. I suspect that as we get older the creativity of our youth is not valued or tolerated. We are expected to have a fairly linear progression that leads to an accepted journey into adult hood. Why would I ever let that happen? I don’t know. But I do know that I am ready to take my life back; to reclaim the creative Rick. Over the next few weeks I am going to lay out my “Life List”. Every good adventure needs a good plan and every good plan requires some thought. My hope is to lay that plan out here and then let you know how it is going. As I write this my brain seems to be busy finding all kinds of reasons why this is not a good idea or hurling obstacles in my way. But, for once, I shall not be rendered paralyzed by something new, something challenging or something that I don’t feel confident about. I am going to do my best to push through the depression, anxiety, uncertainty and create a life worth living.

Never too old

I remember when I was young carrying around a little notebook.  It went everywhere with me and in it I kept all the great ideas that were swirling around in my head.  I didn’t want to lose a single one because I was sure that one of those ideas would make me rich, or famous or at the very least get me laid.  I must have carried that notebook around for a few years.  As it aged so did I and like stuffed animals one day it just didn’t seem needed or important.  But, I regret not carrying it around anymore.   Those were times of great possibilities.  A time in my life when I believed almost anything was possible.

Now here I am at 57 and I have noticed that I don’t have ideas like I use to.  An index  card paper would be all I would need these days .  And quite frankly that’s bullshit.  I realize that I have started to die long before my life is over.  Life is just filled with work, maybe a little church and lots and lots of reruns of the Golden Girls.  Well, that is not enough.  In fact, it is God Damn depressing!  So, I have bought myself a little notebook and I have begun to dream again.  The ideas now seem a bit more refined than thoughts about how I can get laid although that idea  has not completely disappeared..thank God.  The ideas now seem to be a bit more focused.  To get myself off to a fun start I am going to learn German this summer.  Not just a couple of words but I want to really have a wack at it and be able to have a good solid vocabulary and be able to read children’s books, listen to the news and be able to have simple conversations by the time summer is over.  It is a long deferred dream to be a polyglot (oddly enough I believe that was in my original notebook…I wanted to work for the UN).  Life is too precious and too short to just let it drift away while I sit on the couch scratching my navel.  It’s time to wake up!